I believe Santa Claus has to be Gay! If you're not sure,
look at some of these examples:
Christmas is a big, well organized, fully catered, decorated, warm,
fuzzy, nurturing, social beverage deal, and I have a tough time believing a
straight man could possibly pull it all off!
"Fairy lights". What about those over-the-top decorations? A straight man
cannot even organize a matching shirt and tie!
Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn't have time to stand at the
local shopping malls and ring a bell all day. But if you're a Gay,
out-of-work Actor/Dancer/Waiter, it's the perfect gig until you get your big
Also, if Santa was straight, he would have picked an animal much more
masculine than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the
reindeer just happen to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and
Speaking of masculine, my dear, what about those names for the reindeer?
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen? You fill in the blanks.
Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons yet he's never ever fathered
a child with her. She's over-weight and still content. Why I hear you ask?
Can you say "Fag-hag"?
Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He's Gay too! Come on, you have
thought about it too. "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him
names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." As if he
wanted to. Besides, isn't Rudolph really only a metaphor for the Gay child
living in a straight society anyway?
Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmas
time? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you don't like it. Deep down
inside, you've always liked fruitcake.
Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one-night trip!
And his outfit?? Red velvet with a white, fur collar? Black, knee high
boots and a thick black paten leather belt. Just the attire all straight men
rush to buy!
Darling, just think about it!!! Physically, he's a dream come true for
the Chubby Chaser Club and the perfect "Bear" poster child.
Also, with his love of giving gifts, Santa's the perfect Sugar Daddy for
all those old sad aging queens who don't like to work!
Which straight man has ever thought of using "stockings" to hide their